Bury Your Grievances

An experimental solo show featuring a live performance by Jessica Emmanuel in Downtown, Los Angeles (2019)

In this body of work, I am exploring both my personal relationship to grief and the overarching concept of loss through our connection to the natural world. Our environment grows, thrives, disintegrates and repeats in a complex harmony. Witnessing this cycle has provided me with an appreciation for change and loss; a concept that we do not give a lot of space and time to unless faced with unforeseen tragedy. There are many levels of loss and we tend to focus more on how to move forward instead of really processing that departure.

Set inside of an elevator, a scene voided out with black curtains, dancer Jessica Emmanuel continuously moves through the five stages of grief; Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. The performance repeats multiple times throughout the evening relating to ritual. Building and detracting on each round, much like one’s ongoing relationship with the grieving process.  

In the next elevator rests a table and chair set for one. Guests were encouraged to sit and write a goodbye letter to a person, idea or expectation that does not serve them. After tucking that note into handmade clay urns which took the shape of dried leaves, the guests used a small trowel to bury the urns in the earth. I was present to facilitate this burial and light a votive to mark the memory of the departed concept.

 The visual work considers the transference of energy and the natural life cycles by pairing kinetic sculptures to photography. Playing with thoughts of memory, some lost and faded, capturing an image that speaks to a feeling or a flash. Can we capture the energy around us? The energy that moves through us? If we slow down enough, can we feel its presence?

Both Jessica Emmanuel and I have been personally touched by grief. Having lost my brother to mental illness five years ago, I understand the importance of saying goodbye. To me, grief felt like being dropping into the thick, heavy cob web. It envelopes you to the point where you can’t see or think anymore. Even when you think you’ve found a way out, you turn to notice little tendrils latched on to your wrists and ankles. Residue finds it way in the most unexpected places. Having moved a great distance from that dark web, I have finally been able to consider the grieving process with more clarity. This body of work mediates on that.